Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Today I Choose Me


A magnet I found for sale at Cafepress.com

I had an interesting conversation with Tom last night. It went something like this:

Tom: Why didn't you put away the sheets in our room? Why didn't you straighten up your craft supplies? Why didn't you clean up the sink full of dishes? What didn't you, why didn't you, why didn't you?

It's a refrain that gets played at our house every night.  If its not about housecleaning, it's why didn't you go to the gym? Or why didn't you put down the cupcake? Or why didn't you save that money? There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to get done, or energy to make the (good) decisions that need to be made (like NOT scarfing down handfuls of goldfish crackers because the boys had some).

To be fair, Tom does get an incredible amount of things accomplished in a day, and doesn't seem equipped with an off switch. So he's being no harder on me than he is with himself. It's just that when he turns the why didn't yous onto me, I have to resist the urge to punch him in the head.

Because I'm *not* like that.

I don't wake up in the morning with some productivity benchmark that I think I have to hit for the day. I'm not by nature a very competitive, or goal-oriented, person. In truth, I'm much happier going wherever the wind blows, or, because I *am* at my core a people pleaser, doing whatever the people around me want to do. You want a rich, high calorie dinner for supper--here you go. You want to sit around instead of doing something active--scoot over, I'll join you. You want the house to get cleaned--I'll skip the gym to have more time to do it. And so forth...

But then last night, when Tom started in on his why didn't yous, I had answers. I didn't--because I was doing my workout. I didn't--because I was cooking myself a healthy lunch. I didn't--because I was meal-planning and writing a grocery list for next week. I didn't--because I'm the priority right now. I suddenly have goals that I want to meet, and Tom's sheets,and craft supplies, and dishes aren't important in the grand scheme of things. They'll get picked up eventually. But RIGHT NOW I need to do my workout, and RIGHT NOW I need to eat my healthy meals, and RIGHT NOW I need to drink my water, and my green tea, and read my 17 Day Diet book so I can stay focused on what I'm doing and who I'm doing it for.

As I'm feeling less tired, less overwhelmed, and happier emotionally (because 5 days in, I'm still doing what I set out to do and I'm proud of myself), I'm really enjoying doing all the things around the house and with the boys that used to feel like a big drag on my time. It's a strange new feeling putting myself #1 on my daily to-do list. Meeting my own needs with a sense of urgency. Being at my own beck and call. But it's a great feeling and making me feel great, too.


2 comments:

  1. good for you!

    right now i'm a bit in whine mode because with my bday tomorrow and other things i need to do, i wanted to celebrate tonight. but do i see anyone making MY birthday cake, like i joyfully do for everyone else in my house? nooooo. but otherwise, yea, i have been me first lately and loving it. it makes everything else easier.

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  2. Good for you! If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone or anything else. Keep up the good work!

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