Okay, I have a confession to make. Lately, I have become completely addicted to the little Stats button on my blog. It's a fascinating look at who is reading my blog, where they're reading it from, how they're reading it, how they find me, etc. I can even see what they've typed into a search engine that allowed them to access my page in the first place. Fascinating stuff there.
And I had no idea people were reading my blog as far away as Russia and Korea. But apparently they are. And my most popular blogs ever? The ones about Embroidering Daffodils and Polyhydramnios. I had no idea.
Which has gotten me thinking about the whole act of blogging itself and how the little snippets you put out there come together to form a mental picture of you for your readers. Is it accurate? I don't know. This is supposed to be a blog about writing and motherhood, and while I make a concerted effort to relate my blog topics to those two general themes, they don't always align. As my most popular blogs attest, sometimes they have very little to do with either.
But then again, motherhood serves as the backdrop for everything else in my life. I was watching a short film on YouTube the other day, where a boy with Asperger's interviewed his mother and the part I found most interesting was the following exchange where the boy asked his mother if he met her expectations. They were discussing this, when the mother said:
Mother: "You have made me grow so much as a parent..."
Son: "Well, I was the one who made you a parent."
It was really a startling bit of awareness to come out of a child's mouth, but it is true. I was not a parent on August 12th at 5:40pm, but at 5:41pm I was. After that, every decision I made, every thought in my head was eternally altered.
I wish fervently that my boys might've known who I was before they were born, because I am a totally different person after this four (and five if you count gestation)-years-long journey with them. --Not that I think they would like me better, or see me in my natural non-hysterical-over-spilled-Cheerios state. But I think it would serve as a good reference point for them, to understand that this is a trip we're all taking together, and that they are molding me as much as I am molding them.
When I started this blog, in January of 2007, Sam was only four months old. I never meant for anyone outside of my close friends and family to ever read this blog. It was just an online diary--and if someone happened across my to-do lists, family pictures, and amusing stories, so be it. Sometime over the last three years, it (and I) have morphed into something bigger (blame two pregnancies for that) and better than I ever imagined.
For those of you who are reading me, and following me, and interested in my growth as a mom, I want to thank you for coming by and sharing your thoughts, ideas, and lives with me. For those of you who are just stopping by, Hello! I'd love to hear from you, too.