Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A Crazy Dream

I dreamed that several weeks before, Tom had informed me that we were adopting a baby girl and he was going to go get her. I felt a little ambivalent about it, even though I'd like to adopt a little girl from the Ukraine someday, because I had a two year old and a seven month old to deal with and wasn't ready for another child. But I was happy that Tom was on board with adopting, because he's more ambivalent about the idea than I am. And in the usual spirit of how I take news of change, I figured I'd just have to find a way to make it work.

He appeared with a 7 month old baby that was in every way the opposite of John. This baby was short and chubby, with rolls of dark skin that made it impossible to see its features. It didn't open its eyes and didn't interact with me, and I just found the baby annoying and frustrating. I would breastfeed the baby, and then Tom would take it from me, and I wold get busy with Sam and John and forget about it. It never cried or attempted to engage me in any way and I'd just forget it was there.

Finally, I went to look for it, and it wasn't there.

I asked Tom where the baby was and he said she was wth her mother. I said, "But we adopted this baby. It's ours. I'm the mother." And Tom acted cagey and wouldn't tell me anything. I was aready annoyed that this baby wasn't the one I wanted and had no personality. But more annoying than that was the fact that Tom was taking all the responsibility for this child and I felt isolated from her care, even though she was my responsibility, too. He'd even filled out all the adoption paperwork without me. I asked Tom what he'd named her, expecting him to say Linden Margaret, the name we'd picked out for a girl. But he said he'd named her Susan Brett (Susan after his mother, Brett, who knows where?). I hated the name and was pissed that he'd picked something so ugly, and hadn't consulted me. This made me persistant and I startd asking him all about this child and why she was with her mother.

Tom was very unwilling to answer my questions, but finally the truth came out. She was the daughter of one of his co-workers, and he and his wife were both doctors and couldn't take care of the baby, so they'd agreed to let Tom bring it home and adopt it so I could feed it, but it wasn't a real adoption because the child stayed with them when they were home. And the baby was really a boy, but Tom had told me it was a girl to get me to agree to the adoption.

I was so furious that when the baby's mother appeared to drop him off at the door, I made sure I answered the door before Tom. I blocked the entrance to the house and told the woman I was Tom's wife and I wasn't going to be her wet nurse anymore and I wanted the adoption overturned immediately because I wasn't going to take care of that ugly baby anymore.

And then some guy appeared. I think he was a lawyer or a judge and he began questioning how I hadn't known what was going on all along and I defended myself by saying that I was watching my other children and did he have any idea how easy it was to loose a train of thought and get distracted by those two.

And then I woke up.

What the heck was that? Dream analysis, anyone?

4 comments:

  1. sounds to me like you're busy with the boys and pondering adopting a girl, but know it's too soon, and the tom aspect may be saying you know he's capable enough to care for a kid and you could use some of his help with the ones you already have rather than introduce another. also sounds like you've been nursing a looong time. lol! with my boys, i was nursing or pregnant for 7 years. used to have those wet nurse dreams a lot! starting to again, they're creepy! hey, that's not my baby down there!

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  2. Wow. I recently had a dream that we adopted a 3 year old boy from Guatemala and that I decided to "return him" because it was going to be too expensive and I didn't really want to keep him! Isn't that awful? If this is your last child from you I don't know but if it is maybe it's a way of looking ahead to when or if you do adopt? And letting you know that now is not the time to be thinking about that. There's also the motherly parts such as feeding the baby that were in the dream which you do now and then also the fact that you can't find the baby. I think every mother fears that they will lose their child somewhere. Don't know if that is any help. The other part is that the two other people, dr.s didn't want their child around unless it was convenient for them. Maybe you are somewhat envious of people who put their children in full time care while they work? I know I sometimes envy the working mothers but know that I would never be able to put my children in daycare and that staying home with them is the best and right decision in every way. That's probably too much info from someone you don't even know sorry!

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  3. LOL! No, all of it's pretty dead on! Except that I haven't realy been thinking of adopting at all lately. I've been much too busy. And right now, I wouldn't take on another kid if you paid me!

    I think metaphorically, the dream also represented some of the stuff going on between Tom and I. We've been talking about moving to a new house, changing our lifestyle, etc. I know what I think about the situation, but Tom is needing time to crunch numbers, etc. If thoughts are babies, then in some respects, I am taking care of his dark, mysterious "baby" while he decides what to do with it and feel rather put upon because he is keeping it to himself in large part.

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  4. Honestly, my take on it is that you feel "something" is being forced on you without your knowledge or prior consent. I think that children are just the subtext of this dream because that it what you deal with everyday, so those were handy images that your mind had available. The fact that the baby did not have a face- maybe you are worrying about something that hasn't happened yet?
    Or it could be what she said :)

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